Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid



Sometimes words, once spoken, have an effect that cannot be undone. We may know about this in our personal life. A rash moment can happen without warning, and anger can carry the day, deeply affecting friends and family.


In a medical office the emotions can run equally high and the stakes can be just as personal, with the important difference being that a wrong thing said can have devastating consequences for a person's health. Or rather, how they view their health.



I once worked for a doctor with the bedside manner of a facist dictator. He was blunt and completely certain of his every utterance. He had that unmistakable air of authority that left an indelible impression on patients.



He once told the parents of a newborn that their son's future was going to be "difficult at best." The infant was incubated and the doctor's words were reflective of a true medical condition, but they were only half of the story. Those parents were devastated, but they didn't give up hope.



In fact, they eventually sought out another doctor's opinion and wound up not getting a different prognosis, so much as a different approach. The new doctor was guardedly optimistic, but he offered them hope. That boy did have a difficult childhood, but without the limitations imposed by his initial doctor, he thrived. His parents would constantly remember those dark words, whenever there was a setback, but their new doctor reminded them that change was the only constant in medicine, and that there was no reason not to believe that things would improve.



I tell this particularly story not so much as a medical professional, but as a proud aunt. You see, it's the story of my nephew. To this day, I deeply regret the influence my doctor employer had on my sister and her husband. Shortly after they found a new doctor, I did, too.



I'm not advocating bland advice that never penetrates the truth. Sometimes a patient needs to hear the tough things in an unfiltered way. "Stop eating this type of food or you will have heart disease." "Take your medication or your condition will get worse." However, it is important to never forget that medicine is not just a solution, it's a question. A way of examining a problem and offering possibility. Telling it like it is doesn't necessarily preclude hope.



What is your feeling about this? Have you ever been on the receiving end of a bad opinion?