Office Romances
My sister-in-law is married to a doctor, and works in his practice. She does a terrific job and it saves them a bundle. The strength of their relationship translates into a strong practice.
Although they met in the workplace and I admire how they make it work, I admit that I am prejudiced against romance in the workplace. In my experience, it leads to many potential problems.
For one thing, we have mostly male doctors where I currently work (the two female doctors are married), so automatically any dynamic that might occur between those available for dating would be a nurse to doctor. The inequality of that relationship isn't necessarily a hindrance when things are going well, but once difficulties arise, it can be a nightmare.
In our office, the policy is to inform the office manager (i.e., myself) of any inter-office romance. There are legal and practical reasons for this, of course, but in the few instances when it has occurred, I've dreaded it immensely.
Most recently, we lost the best nurse on our staff after her relationship with one of our doctors went south. By the end, they could barely speak professionally, and the tension between them spread throughout the office like a plague. We were good friends, so it made her private conversations with me even more painful. I knew every sordid detail, and had to somehow navigate between being her friend and keeping the peace in the office.
I half-considered instituting a zero tolerance policy after she left. Then I talked with some of the doctors and senior staff. The point was made that the long hours and intense nature of the work sometimes made romances inevitable. It was decided that it would happen regardless of any perceived rule.
I called my sister-in-law afterward, and told her how I wished every office romance could wind up as blissful as hers. She laughed and told me nothing is as blissful as it seems. She then admitted that she felt overworked and that her staff took liberties because they viewed her and her husband more as family than employers.
I hung up the phone and shook my head. Sometimes there's no clear answer to a problem. Sometimes you just have to muddle through and hope for the best. What are your thoughts?
posted by Anne @ 7:27 PM
15 comments
15 Comments:
Anyone who says romance is "inevitable" needs educated to the facts of the modern workplace.
The subordinate person will always be the loser---unless they are very modern and choose to sue.
My father-in-law and mother-in-law work together in a practice (he's a doc and she's his nurse) and it works just fine. No tension, happily married for 30 years and they work great together.
On the flip side, I generally do not approve of dating within the workplace as the likelihood of that going south is much higher. But if they are married, I don't see it to be an issue.
I have been the workforce for 35 years, mostly in healthcare. I am totally against office romances and/or hiring of family members. Any time that I have encountered a situation as this, it has eventually been a disaster.
I guess I don't understand the comment - "unless they are very modern and choose to sue?" What reason would they have to sue. If two people work together, decide to date, and it doesn't work out, why would either one of them have the right to sue the other? People have choices. You either make a conscious decision to date someone you work with or you don't.
Sounds like this comment is coming from someone who is still bitter over an office romance that didn't work out.
Also is "very modern" the policitally correct way of saying left wing radical liberal... which is a mental disorder, by the way
Why is blog about office romance now about left wing politics? that comment is inappropriate.
As for the topic at hand: As a manager, you cannot stop office romances, policy or no policy.
It is difficult, and problematic for sure. However, it is important that the manager be neutral and impartial. For that reason, it is bad managment to be "best friends" with someone on your staff in the first place. I do not want to be in the position of hearing about the intimate details of a physician and staff person that I work with. Stay out of it, and remain professional.
Office romances are always happening. From working in 5 different hospitals in different areas, physicians were always having affairs with employees, even married ones. When asked why they jeopardized their career, the physician and his colleague said, "because we can...we have the power here at the hospital and if we want it we will do it."
It's politics. Hospitals will more than likely want to keep the docs and fire the employee who is not equivalent. The truth hurts ehhh?? That's life and today's hospital environment.
Everyone, lets try to refrain from insulting one another and just share our perspectives and thoughts.
Regards,
Anne
Okay, I admit when I'm wrong. I apologize for the earlier comments about trying to interpret the term "very modern". Perhaps the author of that comment can explain.
It seems like there are certain individuals who think the answer is to sue someone at the drop of a hat, which struck a nerve. It seemed as though the author of that comment was claiming that all subordinates are victims when an office romance does not work out.
Keeping on topic, human nature is what it is. Policies or no policies, if two individual are attracted to one another and want to share time together outside of work that is no ones business but there own. If, let me say that again, If, their relationship starts to interfere with the business then it should be addressed professionally.
There are probably as many different views on this subject as office romances. Some companies understand that with the amount of hours some employees work, that the workplace might be the only place some individuals get a chance to socialize and meet other people.
I worked at a practice where one of our physicians dated and eventually married one of our imaging techs. Everyone couldn't have been happier for them. I guess it just depends on the mix of personalities that are employed at a practice as to how office romances are perceived and handled. Some work... and some don't. Guess we can say that for just about anything in life.
I'll take the romance in the office or anywhere I can find it!
Rock on, dude!
Ok here's one for you. I am the office manager of a healthcare practice. The owner of the practice was dating an employee. It has not worked out. The employee never hesitated to converse with her co-workers about her personal life with the boss. Now in fear of a potential harrassment suit the owner is over the top in polite conversation with his former sweetheart and ignores the other co-workers. How do you handle this when it's your boss? I am afraid that there could be a reverse discrimination suit brought about by the ignored employees. Any thoughts?
I have worked in the healthcare industry for 25+ years in both clinic and hospital settings. One thing I have learned is there are going to be "office" romances. Some will work, some won't. My husband and I worked together for 14 years. When we left the hospital 75% of the staff did not even know we were married. As long as the individuals involved in the relationship can keep work at work and home at home life usually goes well.
I am currently the CEO in a Clinic/Corporation where the Medical Director/President is best friends with the CFO; we have a nurse and a billing officer who have been in a long time relationship and the supervising coder happens to be my younger sister. We all work well together. We also have fun time away from the office and some of us even vacation together. I realize this is not necessarily the norm but it works for us.
Good luck to the rest of you who have had difficulties.
This is an interesting blog! I am glad I stumbled on it. I was not initially looking for this topic, but do have something first hand to offer now that I have come across it.
In 16 years,in the capacity of LPN, (now RN), I have had 2 office romances in 2 different settings,(with Doctors), neither of which worked out. I can't say that my being either man's subordinate factored into the relationships failing, or that office gossip played a factor either. I can say that they failed as many do, due to the whirlwind nature of the relationships as a whole, and basic incompatibility beyond the initial charged newness of a possible budding relationship.
I was young, 22 the first relationship to his 38, (wow old right?), and 28 the second time, to his 44. Both lasted about a year, were very discreet, but ultimately, I left my positions of my own choosing.
The thoughts naturally arose that perhaps it was an underling thing, and that I didn't really, "mean anything" to these men... I do recall talking myself into feeling somewhat used and wondered if these men were, "slumming". It was hurt and anger on my part, and nothing to do with the reality, which was, we were incompatable. Nothing more, nothing less.
I had a wonderful lunch with one of the men, (from when I was 22), last year. I was so happy that he approached the weirdness of having to see him often again in his new capacity... it was the reason for the lunch. He gave me insight... I have already grown into a woman who knows this, but explained that he was with me because I was a, "Free Spirit" and HE felt an underling to that...So... no, I don't think a "subordinate" becomes a loser.. rather, we are all insecure. We are still incompatable.. that is clear, but we work together fine now. So long as you know where you stand, who you are, and aren't, these romances can turn into great learning experiences, and can go on to be lasting marriages even.. or professional bonds later on down the road. Don't burn bridges if you find yourself in one early on in your career, or beat yourself up if they fail. Relationships fail, be them with a Doctor or a Plumber, subordinate or authority figure.
Would I date another Doctor or Healthcare Manager? Yeah... if my free spirit liked them as a person, sure... and I would not change one single thing about the two wondeful men I shared some tender times with. I would just keep it real, private and discreet, and repsectful... as I did before :)
Office romances are the biggest cootie fest ever. If people act, then are afraid later, they should have thought about that before. Think before using those dumbsticks men. :) thank ya, thank ya very much.
For the person who must deal with their boss about "too friendly" issues...I had to deal with this for a long time, and I am sure it will happen again. A very good employee left because she was good friends with the doctor and his wife. This doc was supposedly seeing another employee, she was married also. Other employees witnessed this behavior also. The "other woman/employee" made it very clear how close she and the doc were. Three years have passed, and she still finds reasons to call him. I termed her due to lack of work. Luckily this was true at the time. I counseled with the three partners together (includ bad boy) and explained the whole office was sick of it, and must stop. We have alreadly had one sexual harrasment suit, settled out of court. You must try and keep things as level as possible for all employees. When you have handsome docs with money and power, you will always have those women who chase them. Even our patients constantly hit on them. I just try and be honest and let any new employees know that I am not going to tolerate it. I know I can't stop it and told the docs I did not care what they did outside of here, but in this office we were going to play nice.
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